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Hiding my annoyance is an art I am yet to master. Happy days can seize to be happy within seconds, by seconds I am referring to the time it will take you to start and finish reading an ignorant comment. A while ago I wrote about the ‘Struggles of An African Woman‘, led there by a few opinions and takes on certain issues like lobola, aspirations of the modern African woman etc.


Brought back again by the opinions of a backward thinking African man’s mindset, I wonder if everything has gone to the dogs. The simple “token of appreciation” cannot be your sole argument for her to do whatever, whenever and wherever you want her to do what it is you want done. If the grown men of our time make this so, what example then are you setting for the men of generations to come?

If as a ‘man’ you can let spew out of your mouth unsavoury notions and show no respect for the union of your family and hers through this act, then what future are you creating for your own daughter, your sister? Feeling somewhat like I’ve gone off the rails as you read, don’t lose sight of what I am trying to make you feel and see.


“…you want to be bought, paid for traditionally but don’t want to carry out traditional duties and you wonder why you get beaten…”

~Random Guy

I am not in support of lobola simply because, as I have stated before, people have turned it into something it isn’t. However that does not mean I won’t voice out my opinion on this matter. The above statement by ‘Random Guy’ is an example of what I deem an ignorant statement. This isn’t the 18th century, you cannot buy me, period!!! I do not want to be bought, I am not a cow, however finding a way to say thank you to my parents without giving them thousands isn’t a crime. It is unfortunate that many families in this day and age ask for ridiculous amounts, very unfortunate but that does not make it okay for you to then use her as your whipping boy. After all, is this not the woman you claim to be the ‘love of your life’?


I am not in support of the families that use lobola as a ‘get rich quick scheme’ so don’t take this as that either. I am in the corner of the modern day woman, the modern day man that doesn’t use ignorance as an asset. The ones that understand the difference between a “token of appreciation” and “purchasing an item from Spar”. The pair that can stand and say no to enslavement and away with limited mindsets. As I write this I can feel my anger and disgust amongst other emotions leap off the page.

“…women, you want someone to buy you, but don’t want to perform…once bought there’s a certain standard of behavior expected…”

~Random Guy

I will not blame this all on the ideologies of the 21st century and if you want to make it about tradition and take it there, then take it there we shall. Back then, traditionally, men were meant to be the bread winners, provide for the family and the woman be a housewife. Now, you bring up this notion yet I’m guessing your woman’s paycheck is just as fat as yours if not fatter and you still want to have vocal diarrhoea and whine about tradition, are you kidding me?

A word for the fathers of today, lobola is not a way for you to get back the money you spent on YOUR child as they were growing up for that was and is your role regardless neither is it a way for you to use your daughter as your meal ticket. My way of thinking isn’t always the right way, but dammit this time I am right, lol. 

Feel free to comment and let me know your take on this.


This in no way represents every African Man