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So deeply and undeniably deniable, I fell in love and like an adolescent girl, I fell hard and without thinking, went in head first, I mean in all honesty what ever happened to testing the waters?

With each sunrise, I watch the leaves fall from what they’ve known for time a little differently, the birds chirp a little more silently. The turn of trying times, with each sunset, blue skies turn blue black with silently-loud cries. I wrote no further for I was in a space that did not allow me to do so. I fell in love and like an adolescent girl, I fell hard without thinking.

Falling in love with saving the world, more than eager to put on my cape and be on the go, I dove in to what seemed like a bed of roses. The Incredibles having led me on an unrealistic path, thinking how hard could it be to help someone less fortunate than you. Driven by seeing someone else smile, rather than the endless zeros after that comma, how hard could it be?

Anxious for sunrise for with it new hopes and dreams are sun-kissed to life, only to wake just in time to see the clouds roll in with no sign of leaving. Once making sense in your head but losing meaning once cushioned by the comfort of a warm page, you struggle to make it known and understood.

Saving the world was never meant to be easy but for I believed it to be, once it proved hard, I fell off the wagon and fought not to get back on. Falling in love with the notion that helping others was effortless, how do I go on when this has proved not to be so? I fell in love, like an adolescent girl I fell hard with no second nor third thought.

A passive mind leading me to my destruction, caring not whether the sun rose today or not, falling out of love with a passion so close to the very definition of my soul, do tell me how do I go on wanting to save a world that does not want to be saved, let alone by me?

The chaos in one’s mind making it impossible to keep one’s thoughts in line, I realize I fell in love, I fell in love with saving a world that does not want to be saved.

“A race of people is like an individual man; until it uses its own talent, takes pride in its own history, express its own culture, affirm its own self-hood, it can never fulfill itself”

– Malcolm X

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*April’sLoveChild*

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